Monday, June 25, 2012

Provo Canyon School-reports of abuse are REAL

Yes... they are real.  REAL.  The reports of what happens at Provo Canyon School.   My brother told me what happened to him and nearly 20 years later, I found the same reports from countless survivors of Provo... too detailed to be made up, the horrific things I read made me remember the things my brother had told me.down to the details that can't be made up, dramatized, rehearsed, or orchestrated the way a family member could only hope, in a sad, yet sincerely loving way.  I didn't want to think my brother actually went through the torture he described.  I wanted to believe he went to a place that was not club med, that he was ticked off and had anger over it as anyone would, and dramatized the abuse and sheer, absolute TORTURE he had endured.  He had REALLY endured... and survived.  Being forced to stand in one spot and stare at one point on a wall in a concrete room, in solitude, for hours at a time, with the clock being reset for the most minor flinch or my God, what if something really itched... God.  Being shot up with heavy doses of anti-psychotic drugs for not making a "bed" properly (I have heard beds are a privilege, cots are more common, but I don't know and can't ask my brother now), for looking at something the wrong way, for walking the wrong way, for saying the wrong thing, for doing absolutely nothing wrong in a place where the sick people are the staff that torture these kids and find pleasure in it or look the other way.  The abuse and torture was carried out in so many ways and I get sick when I try to communicate what I know about this school.  www.torturecanyonschool.com is a site that should cover much of the daily hell the kids face each day, that they face as I type, with no one to help them or believe them.  Once they get out, it is like a bad nightmare and everyone just wants to keep it that way.

I read the other survivor's stories and the memories come back, the blanks are filled in, I can remember, but before then, I could tell you what I had remembered.  This is the deal-believe me or not, everything you can find and read about this school that details the abuse at this school is REAL.  I have yet to find an account that is "dramatized" and I wouldn't really know how the truth could be more dramatic than it already is... we are talking about kids being treated in ways we would never treat an animal... cruelty at its worst, happening behind closed doors, parents being told their kids are just trying to make them feel guilty... blah blah LOOK at the kids a month after they are admitted to Provo Canyon School.  They are bone thin and pale.  Their eyes are not the same.  Hollow, blank, those are the first words I can think of to describe them... and I only saw one picture of my brother at the school.  It was all I needed to see, I can still remember the details of the picture and I guess I was so stunned at his weight loss that I studied it well enough to remember it today.  He was wearing a shirt that seemed to be a couple of sizes too big, tucked into blue jeans that were also too big... he had lost so much weight.  His face was white as a ghost.  He looked like a hollow boy.  Maybe depressed, but now I know better, he was leaps and bounds past a bout with depression.  He was in survival mode.  God, I wish I had known.  Or I don't know, I wish I could have saved him somehow.

I noticed that people reading this have gravitated toward the post "Reports of Abuse at Provo Canyon School" and if you are reading, if you know how to close this school, please please please take just a moment to contact me-I need your help.  Thank you.

9 comments:

  1. Hello, I just read your post, and Thank You. Thank you very, very much for giving us a voice. I survived, not one, but two trips to the other side of Hell. The jury is still out, as they say, as to whether or not I will be able to forget, forgive, and move forward with my life. I have yet to forgive my Mother and Step-father, who's new marriage I believe to be the impetus behind my privately paid for, yet worse than the state pen, incarceration. I could go on and on, but why when others seem to have summed up the best and most accurate portrayal of just what it was like to spend a day, a week, a month, a year, two years, no, make that three years inside of the HELL, that was/is Provo Canyon School. Take care of yourself, and be safe out there. After all, as I am sure you either have, or will soon, figure out just who pays the preponderance of the money that PILE of a school relies on. Best, Number 77/277 (277 the second time)

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    1. Hey Kim, Just checking in with you... I had an experience, a real life-changer if you know what I mean, that I can't ignore. I cannot get into the details of it, especially in this forum, but I will say the following... After conducting what I can only call, "Cutting edge research into PCS staff, their affiliations, Politics of "Behavior Modification" facilities, Fundraising of aforementioned groups, etc. I awoke in a Level 1 Trauma Unit, after being out cold for, well I won't call it a Coma, but I was out cold for like 16 - 18 hours. And you can always tell just how serious shape you are in , and what prognosis they believe (the medical staff attending to you) by the looks on the respective staff faces as you open your eyes for the first time after suffering a particularly violent trauma. In this instance, their looks were shocked, incredulous, mystified... I wish to God I could share more with you, but I believe, well I will leave any conclusions that can be harvested from my data to you. And as I said in my original post, BE CAREFUL. As you mentioned, I believe, just what type of organization can make it through any of the lawsuits that PCS lost? Much less a series of them... And how about the countless other lawsuits that could have, that should have been filed but that the court wouldn't accept due primarily to Statute of Limitations on filing? Tread lightly... And you forever have my respect for remembering your brother as you have. Because that is what you represent... Love in it's simplest form. That of a sisters undying love for her now deceased brother. Love conquers everything. And as noted throughout the annals of time, Love is also the direct opposite of Fear. Take Care Kim.... Jason Collins #77/#277 (Second term PCS)

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  2. Jason, thank YOU... I can't begin to tell you how I wish I could get the word out... my brother died October 7, 2012, and I didn't think I could put him through reliving his time there; I know now that he is finally at peace, I might have a chance. It means so much to me to know you read my post and thank you so much for taking the time to write a comment. I can't imagine how hard it is to remember and live with what you went through, but I can imagine how strong you must be and I hope the world has given you a lot of good things to appreciate and balance out the hell you lived through. There is a saying that you can only know something to the extent you know its opposite-I find great peace in that and believe people that have gone through great pain have great compassion and appreciation for the truly beautiful things in life... thank you for sharing and take care of yourself, love yourself, and never let the darkness snuff out the light... I don't know you but I wish I could hug you-thank you again for sharing and commenting on this post.

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  3. Hi Kim and Jason! Thank you for posting. I have info to share please email me sageinfinity8@gmail.com

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  4. Thank you, Sage! I am going to post a list of links on this and I hope we can get closer to closing this place down... some noise needs to be made-it isn't on the list of centers managed by UHS that are being investigated.

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  5. I to went through the same HELL. I was there during the time that jack williams was the owner. Mid 70's.I was originally part of a lawsuit to get them closed in the early 80's. I remember the time we spent standing to work off the Hours we had and of course the brutal "Hair Dances" we had to endure at their discretion.I didn't see the light of day for the first seven months I was there. My e-mail is ezdrawer@yahoo.com I welcome your correspondence.

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    1. Hi Andy, I will be sending you a private message, but I wanted to thank you for posting and commend you on your bravery in moving forward post-Provo... I believe I have read about your lawsuit and am just stunned that the school is still open. As you may have read in this thread, my brother passed away in October of last year... his 36th birthday would be December 2 of this year. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I hope that the experience has given you an opposite end of the spectrum to experience in life... life is beautiful, as beautiful as it is cruel. There is a great quote that comes to mind, "Beautiful People Don't Just Happen," and I believe you are one of those people.

      Thank you and every person who has posted on this and shown true strength and grace in the wake of its opposite... I appreciate and admire each and every one of you; I hope you have found peace in all that is... thank you, again, and I will be in touch.

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  6. Provo girls side is hell as well. I attented 2005-2006. repeatedly watched girls get tackled or "dial 9" for simply being upset. Took a chair one time for over 7 hours where i was not allowed to go to the bathroom or eat. Staff are LDS and tell you that you are evil and are going to hell. This place is run by demons and is really a living hell

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    1. I am so glad you made it through your time there... I have read up on the girls side and also heard "stories" from my brother... a girl had her nose broken, was shot up with anti-psychotics and overdosed at the hands of the school staff, I don't recall specifics, but she either died or was not in good shape. I think both sides were awful and can't imagine your pain, but I have faith that it will serve you in some mysterious (or, perhaps, not so mysterious) way. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, gives us perspective, and so many things that I won't even pretend to know... but the one thing I know is that you are a very special person, we all are, but you went through what you did for a reason... you may know why or have begun to discover why at this point, but if not, please have faith that there was a really good reason and purpose for what you endured. I feel a bit silly typing this, but I just have faith that I can't explain... other than I know... there is a reason, you are special (and we all are, don't get me wrong), and you have a greater purpose in life that this experience was necessary to fulfill. Please have faith, as small as a mustard seed (I read that this was all that is necessary, and apparently it is a small seed:) - justice will be served when the time has come, those demons will pay the price when the time comes, and you will know the opposite of that hell... when the time comes. I know it in my heart and am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Thank you for sharing.

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